- Someday I may Learn to Forget You

Display Cabinet

2007-01-24T21:55:00.000+08:00

(may take awhile to load.. used a digital camera to take the pics so file size quite big..)

oh well.. something to post but too lazy to go make a new blog at the moment..

i changed my display cabinet.. changed from one that was 30x11.5x71 inch..

(click for larger pic)
sorry for the blurred picture.. forgot to put flash.. too late to take another now anyway..

to a new one that is 33.5x16.5x75 inch.. 3 sided glass display with a mirror as a fourth wall.. plus a light at the top which i dont intend to use anyway..
(click for larger pic)

and when the new tenants moved in..

voila!!!
(click for larger pic)
more space more shelves and a much nicer place to put my Gundams.. more space is good since i am adding 2 more by the end of March..

life's been great..

Blog's Swan Song..

2007-01-19T22:13:00.000+08:00

this may be my last post here.. then again, maybe not.. ultimately, i'll still have to protect my privacy..

lately sensing some things that are to be that i am pretty disturbed about.. hope that i am wrong about these..

firstly, the BYG clique.. i think things may get better from the way it is now, but not that much of a chance.. the earth-shattering incident literally shattered the group, yet to some, they still think they live on Pangaea or something.. guess they didnt realise the cracks that are already present since ages ago..

secondly, Yiwen's trip to Switzerland.. much of it has to do with the recurring nightmares i had, but i'll just have to wait and see.. and hope nothing happens..

thirdly, it is kinda repulsive, but i think i know of a friend who is seducing her boss, whether consciously or subconsciously.. when the boss takes u out for lunch daily and sends u home personally, something is really, really wrong.. oh well.. perhaps she is used to it anyway..

spent the whole day chatting online.. spoke to someone about the nature of people.. and i came to a conclusion that a person is what their nature depicts them as.. it may not be what they want to be, yet that is what they are.. unchangable and irreversible.. though some can shield it with other behaviours, it results in denial and the pressure built up within will tear the person apart..

guess i'll end here.. i'll miss this blog.. almost as extensive as my old one.. 200+ post.. lasted almost as long as my old one.. almost 2 years.. and ended for almost the same reason as my old one..

Untitled

2007-01-13T21:36:00.000+08:00

took me awhile to recover, and much longer to faintly sense that i am not the only one reeling from the shock..

so sorry i was so selfish.. though that's my new aim, but i still feel bad bout not seeing your problems and only concentrating on mine.. sorry..

Angel/Devil?

2007-01-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

dead beneath the pressure,
slain by altruism,
uncertain but impatient,
the Guardian resurrects.

conflicting personalities,
good versus evil,
others versus self,
the Guardian chooses.

retaining memories,
erasing some,
different from the old,
the Guardian becomes.

I Quit!!

2007-01-11T19:29:00.000+08:00

this whole week has been bad.. even though i've only been through a little more than half of it, i can already predict what will happen the next 2 days..

mainly, it is due to the fact that i absolutely HATE my job right now.. initially it is due to my mind being overloaded at the starting of the week.. so, not being able to concentrate at all, i screwed up alot of orders.. had to redo a whole stack of it.. took me the whole afternoon..

then, when it got better on tuesday, i still am not able to do my job well either.. due to the fact that it uses no brains at all, my mind wanders alot, thus distracting me and lowering my working efficiency..

for the whole of one week, i can already sense some animosity from my manager.. she's not happy with my performance at all.. but due to the fact that i only sensed it, i gave it the benefit of doubt.. which, of course, ends up benefiting everyone except me..

after yesterday's leave from work, i relaxed a little in the afternoon, and managed to straighten out some of my thoughts.. until today when someone unintentionally screwed up my mind again.. so for the whole afternoon i was mostly stoning away.. thinking and thinking and thinking.. for this reason alone i am determined to leave the job right away..

and my manager got so fed up that she signed my timesheet at 6 and left.. even though i worked till about 6.30..

oh well.. for all the negative feelings i have about my job now, it is a relief that i am able to quit by monday.. when i told my manager bout my plans she was extremely sarcastic and told me off because she requested i stayed for the whole of January and mid Feburary..

我不为己谁为我.. so i decided not to bother about her 死活 and just abandon the ship.. good riddance..

ps. i realised a trend long ago, that friends who tend to stick for me, are those who had a serious argument with me before, to the extent of a cold war.. so far i am still not able to prove myself wrong.. but i am happy for that.. thanks to those who helped me tide through this dark times of my life..

Shawn - for always being there.. whether for a movie outing or just a chit-chat.. and never hesitates to whip up any drink for me to drown my sorrows.. one 甜甜 please..

Yiwen - though small, and always being bullied by me, she never fails to lend a listening ear..

Gwen - halfway across the world, yet chatting with you about the culture over there allows me to escape the harsh reality over at my side of Earth..

incidentally, i had a big argument with all 3 of them before.. longest being with Yiwen (which ironically, is the one i knew the latest) and the shortest being with Gwen (the one i know the longest).. life is full of ironies.. just like today when i listened to 晴天 when walking in the rain..

Black Snow

2007-01-09T23:14:00.000+08:00

since young, i have a fascination with snow.. it is my dream to be able to live in the Alps or something, to just enjoy the snow and not give a damn about how the stupid world is revolving..

when leaving the funeral wake of my grandaunt just now, the ashes from the offering they burnt just so happened to fall around me.. all of a sudden i felt that it was snowing in Singapore.. whether black snow or white, at that moment that the world does not seem so bad after all.. there are others much worse than me, just that they are unable to voice out their sufferings..

my grandaunt is one such person.. suffering from a stroke which left her half paralysed, she was not told the truth that her husband had passed away last September for fear of a relapse.. so, while recuperating at one of her children's home, she was ignorant of the world around her..

祸不单行.. she was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away on the 6th.. i'll miss the New Year visits to her house.. the ever-jovial lady who never fails to brighten my Chinese New Year visit, though it is late in the afternoon and i am already quite tired from all the visitings..

guess she's quite happy now, on the other side with her husband at last..

Untitled

2007-01-09T09:03:00.000+08:00

being dragged into the war wasnt what i had in mind.. but nevertheless i am still dragged into it.. should have expected it when i sent the email.. oh well, nothing is as i have expected these days.. and i suppose it is easier to stop the war from within than without..

but, i didnt know that it was that serious.. though i've only heard from one party, i must restrain myself from judging, lest i make a wrong move and further escalate the war..

guess i'll just sit back and see what ironies life can still heap on me..

Past, Present..

2007-01-07T14:14:00.000+08:00

when the present becomes too much to bear, i chose to indulge myself in the past..

yet, while immersing myself in the past, i tend to become oblivious to the present..

staying in the past, while soothing, is paralysisng.. conflicting interest as usual..

i resist what must be,
therefore i am not what i should be.
but this is not how it is to be,
for what must be,
will be.

Random Thoughts

2007-01-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

2007 has, up till now, not been a good year for me.. first and foremost my mind is still pretty jumbled and tangled, but i got most of the loose knots sorted out, except for a few which may need time and some other things to help untangle..

when fighting a war, it is absolutely stupid to charge into battle brandishing a gun, only to realise later that the gun is not loaded at all, and the spare magazines are left back in the barracks.. that's what happened yesterday morning when i took my Basic Theory Test, the supposedly un-fail-able test.. and i flunk it.. oh well, another knot in my mind..

things at home still not getting any better, as far as i can tell.. starting to have the i-dont-wanna-go-home feeling.. i remembered the other time this kind of feeling hit me so bad was during Sec 3, on my rainbow incident.. long story.. suffice to say that if not for that rainbow in the sky i would most probably be a splat on the concrete somewhere..

so in order to keep my mind off the tangible and intangible aspects of 2007, i decided to watch Death Note 2 myself.. sort of calmed me down with the plot mostly advocating altruism.. 'for the better good' and such.. nice story, sad ending, and some doubts which i do not wanna think about for fear of adding some more knots to my already congested mind..

as far as i can say, isolation is not a bad option right now..

人要懂得知足.. 只要能够学到这一点，就不会有欲望了.. 没了欲望，伤心，愤怒和痛苦都会随着消失..

Roller Coaster

2007-01-05T23:39:00.000+08:00

this two weeks had been a huge roller-coaster ride for me.. since christmas till now, there were many ups and downs, rights and lefts, even times when i am flipped upside down and shaken till my insides get tangled up and my mind seems like it is about to explode.

there were good things that came out, things that my mind sensed and did not sense.. words said and left unspoken.. but mostly things have not gone that well..

i may not interact well, but i can sense things, not emotion-wise.. though people may not tell me things, but i know them better than most people think i know..

船到桥头自然直.. 等到它直我心已被烦死了.. 只好跳下水把船逼直..

Erratum

2007-01-05T15:56:00.000+08:00

i realised that i had made an error in my previous post..

regarding whether these things i've been sensing, whether from the clues my subconscious mind picked up or just from my mind overloading, i really think things would get better if it is true..

it is better for everyone this way.. i guess..

it wil also allow me to put down the load i've been dragging all these years.. one which never seemed to get lighter as i dragged it along, but rather gets heavier as time goes by.. at the same time wearing me away..

hope that with the way things are going now, i no longer have to carry on gripping onto the lever of the grenade in my heart..

Practice What You Preach

2007-01-02T21:10:00.000+08:00

ever since Christmas, things have not been going well, except the few outings i have with friends.. i really cant stand being at home these few days, reason being my parents are utterly disappointing me..

the Christmas Lunch event was the first of many in the week which tarnished my image of them being responsible and altruistic.. things that stand out vividly are that in the last 3 days, from the first day of the chalet..

first is the issue of sending us kids to the chalet.. my dad went upstairs to my grandparent's house for mahjong, and didnt want to send us there as his game is halfway through.. lesson 1 regarding others before self voided.. how can he do that when he has been yelling at us for doing those necessary things first before our own enjoyment??

that agitated my mother, so when buying some stuffs on the way to the chalet, she actually told some stranger off for blocking her way.. lesson 2 regarding polite to others voided.. lesson 3 regarding being angered by something does not give the right to yell at anyone else voided.. this in turn irritated me..

while checking the reciept after the purchase, she mistook a original price for a discounted price.. while i was explaining to her halfway, she just yelled at me as though i took the wrong box of drinks and it is totally my fault.. lesson 3 voided again.. so i told her to stop yelling and pointed out the discounted price.. she immediately threatened to cancel the chalet.. lesson 3 voided AGAIN!!

the chalet was a brief respite from the storm.. or so i thought.. the second night the parents came for the bbq.. my dad's voice is a little weird.. and they arent talking to each other.. guessed they argued.. even now as i typed this entry they still havent talked to each other since we children came back from the chalet.. i can sense the cold war between them..

then today when my mother signed up for the one month membership at California Gym she kept interupting the person giving us a tour.. always not giving the guide a chance to finish.. lesson 4 regarding not interupting other's voided.. then when she was asked whether she will sign up for a long term membership and why she wouldnt she gave lotsa excuses.. even my sis who is beside me sensed her reluctance to go for more exercise is the main point instead of not having much time.. lesson 5 regarding dont give excuses and just do it voided..

being the inevitable anchor of the family, how can they expect us to follow what they teach when they dont follow it themselves?

on a similar yet dissimilar note, cliques are similar to families.. they have an center anchoring the whole group.. yet, this doesnt mean that they can ignore anyone else.. while interacting with those that are more active, these anchors always dont bother and ultimately ignore those quieter ones.. please, just because u are the centre doesnt mean everyone should flock to you while you sit there and wait.. take into account those who arent able to voice out that loudly.. dont ostracize them..

ps: i am not talking about myself or anyone in particular.. being a socialising loner, i am after all not much affected by such slights.. but there are others more sensitive out there.. so please do make them feel welcomed..

btw these few days my mind seems to be on overload that i am sensing some weird things.. hope they are not true..

Gundam + Cocktail = Good Day

2006-12-30T23:53:00.000+08:00

hahaa.. had a fun day today.. nice, old hard work in finishing my PG Wing Zero, which still has a few more parts to put in before it is completed.. seriously it is really a zenith in Gundam designs.. not the model, but the Gundam design itself.. the model, while magnificent, has a lousier technology of construction, considering it to be a generation lesser than the PG Strike.. but still all the building experience i had did not prepare me for the complexity of construction.. the PG Wing Zero was so complex that i could not even find the wrist, only when i accidentally twisted the hand then i realised that it ACTUALLY has a wrist.. brilliant design which makes it infinitely stronger than the PG Strike's ball-socket wrist design..

but sadly, it is way lousier in mobility and posability than the Strike, and the armor still gets in the way and the joints creak alot, which give me the impression that i had accidentally caused an equivalent of a plastic muscle pull.. oh and some armor has a tendancy to fall off.. oh well..

anyway went Shawn's house for a drink with Tian Tian and Rina.. seriously the first drink is alright.. not as bad as Shawn claims.. and i absolutely love the second drink.. Tian Tian.. literally named because it is sweet at the top and sweet at the bottom, with plenty of tequila goodness in the centre.. totally fantastic..

though i can safely say none of us is drunk after two drinks each, but we were relatively high after drinking.. playing with the lightsaber and laughing loudly.. think Shawn's dad must have thought we were mad..

hope tomorrow's chalet is smooth.. since i am one of the elder there i am sort of in the in-charge committee of taking care of the young ones.. so i am hoping that no one angers me.. realised that my fuse nowadays are rather short.. must have been the recurring dreams i am having nowadays.. same few people with different setting but similar 'storylines'..

Earthquake

2006-12-28T15:42:00.000+08:00

a fruitless day at work.. apparently the effects of the earthquake in Taiwan was felt even in Singapore, though not literally..

the disruption of the internet and my rotting away at work do show how reliant our economy has become on cyberspace.. sensing that i was about to turn to dust, considering the fact that i was stoning so badly and the air-con above me was blasting me with strong, cold air (wind erosion), my company decided that they do not want to trouble the cleaners by clearing the would-be dust pile on my chair, so they kindly asked me to take the afternoon and tomorrow off.. which i gladly did..

and so, with the free time in the afternoon, i decided to give it another try, giving it all i've got in rallying my secondary school classmates to go see Gwendolyn off.. but still, 力不从心, my best still wasnt enough.. *sigh* oh well..

seriously, dont ask me to plan anything next time.. for security sake try not to even include me into the planning committee.. cos i seems to jinx it alot.. subconsciously misfortune seems to rub off me and to everyone else, but i am always not affected..

Random Thoughts

2006-12-27T21:46:00.000+08:00

i would say that it has been a hell of a week for me.. in just 4 days (considering Sunday as the start of the week), i've went through much.. and in the time being thought much regarding some things..

first is the surprise that people may sometime still contradict themselves, no matter how determined they are.. example that i had seen is that someone who practices isolation from emotions actually has a 'eye-candy'.. hahaa.. interesting conflict, but is debatable as 'eye-candy' (reminds me of happy-tree-friends) is not exactly part of any emotion at all..

on 25/12 my family had a christmas lunch with my uncle's church.. the church prepared an interesting skit regarding the value of life to each of us, and just barely touch on the religion.. i had a hunch that they didnt want to look too 'persuasive', which was quite good in my opinion.. but what disappoint me the most was my parents, who seemed extremely intolerable towards other religions.. when everyone stood to sing christmas carols (me included), they just sat down and give that impassive look.. very disappointing..

watched Night at the Museum after that with the BYG ppl.. entertaining movie, but for some reason i wasnt able to get into the movie.. even as i laugh at the jokes and the antics i dont feel much joy.. was feeling very detached even after the movie.. perhaps it was because of what happened during lunch..

26/12, ordinary day at work where i tried starving myself for lunch.. thankfully Simin brought biscuits and cookies for me, else i would have a big hole where my stomach was, it being corroded by the excess acid.. but on the way home i saw something which left a deep impression on me..

when i was in NEL on the way home, i noticed a couple standing behind me, kissing.. after some shuffling of passengers which was when i unintentionally looked at them, i realised that the girl was my AVA senior.. she was one of the 2 couples in my senior batch, having had a relationship with the AVA president.. but what struck me like a blow was that the guy was not my senior, but just some other guy.. lotsa things went through my mind, much of which was discussed and concluded but the doubt regarding those matters still rumbled through my mind..

these thoughts just literally clogged up my RAM, making my responses and thought processes extremely slow today.. whether by a stroke of luck or just coincidence, or even bad luck, the earthquake in Taiwan slowed the internet connection, rendering most of my work task impossible to complete.. so i was lucky to finish the work which was supposed to last till friday by today, and still had about an hour of slacking before i knock off.. by the way i was getting kinda tired to be typing Santoprene, Vyram and Geolast all day long..

on the train home i was debating whether to take the day off tomorrow.. Gwendolyn's going to America for her university studies.. and i was supposed to try to plan for a gathering before she leave, just like i was suppose to plan for the Death Note 2 outing.. but just like everything i tried to plan, it always screw up.. which is the reason why i always prefer to be "part of the power behind the throne instead of sitting on the throne itself"..

looking forward to a relaxing time at Shawn's house.. something which i co-planned, so should not screw up as bad as the other 2.. after which is the chalet with my cousins.. gonna have a great time with them before, during, and after the New Year countdown at Downtown East..

one more thing before i end.. i am not making any New Year Resolutions this year.. why bother promising yourself something which you know you are not able to fulfil? Do, or do not. There is not try. i choose the 'Do not' path..

Untitled

2006-12-25T00:33:00.000+08:00

was supposed to be an outing for the Loner's society and the associate/affiliate members.. but many joined in along the way..

first, Jieying joined us, i.e. Shawn Tracy Simin n me, for dinner.. she was kinda stoning throughout, result of not sleeping for 24 hours.. next we met Yu Ze, Eugene, Jiasheng n Pei Yee at Starbucks and had a great laugh chatting.. they initially wanted to go Orchard for the christmas countdown, but ended up joining us as we went to Pan Pacific lounge at the atrium for a drink..

well overall not a bad day.. fulfilling morning building Gundams and an afternoon watching Advent Children and napping, with a night out drinking with friends.. if only life could be like this everyday.. i must be damn rich, though..

oh well.. tomorrow will be another day of spending too.. $9.50 for movie ticket.. not-sure-how-much for Amanda's birthday present.. dinner perhaps?

anyway.. Merry Christmas everyone..

TCM

2006-12-23T14:59:00.000+08:00

regarding my left shoulder, i went to get it treated by a chinese physician today..

as usual the massage is painful, but luckily it was not dislocated or something.. i shudder at the thought of bone relocation.. must be extremely torturous..

so instead, the physician decided to give me the next best thing.. acupuncture.. considering i kinda fear needles it was not that fun at all.. only redeeming fact is that i felt no pain.. so that's that..

the doctor next tried to use electric acupuncture, i.e. plug wires to the needles already sticking into my body and introduce electric shock.. i stood my ground and absolutely refused to let him do that, instead offering to have the needles for a longer period.. that did the trick and i was spared the electric treatment..

and he also did the glass bulb treatment.. like a big suction cup which sucks your flesh into it after he burnt the air inside the bulb and leaves a big blue-black after it is taken off.. not as bad as i thought actually..

started on my PG Wing Zero this morning at exactly 0948h.. started with part L19.. est. completion date would be around a week from now..

Bike Stolen

2006-12-22T22:02:00.000+08:00

seriously, i have no idea whether i should be angry or just forget the matter altogether..

either yesterday or the day before( i dont know as i am at work or sleeping at night), some stupid jackass came and stole my bicycle.. apparently, he/she cut through the chain and took MY bicycle, and didnt even have the courtesy to dispose of the chain properly.. stupid asshole.. that bicycle was my 11 year old birthday present..

but, on second thought, it was my fault for just locking my bicycle in the corridor.. frankly i didnt even realise it was gone until my parents came home from their Batam trip and saw it missing.. i just felt weird while going home as the corridor seemed more spacious.. it never crossed my mind that my bicycle is gone..

looking on the bright side.. someone just got a early christmas present.. and it is worth quite a lot, though i dont mean monetary value.. just like every other item that i had throughout the years, the longer they stayed with me the more memories i attach to them.. though to others it may not seem much but my mind is just like a broken sieve.. no matter how hard i try i cant hold on to my memories..

Eragon

2006-12-21T00:15:00.000+08:00

Eragon.. though the plot is predictable, the show is still very nice.. unlike some other lousy fantasy shows, this one is able to take the viewer into the story world.. thus the 103min movie seems extremely long.. disregarding the fact that it has a part two (possibly part 3), the storyline does not hang on the ending and have a wait-till-part-2-to-find-out-more last scene..

personally, i think the dragon animation is impressive enough, but an improvement in the dragon art would be appreciated.. it looks too kind.. oh well, personal opinion..

this show reminds me of Dinotopia and Blood of the Templars.. alternate reality fantasy stories that is really able to engage me.. worth watching..

once more, nocturnal insects tried to assault me again.. a flying grasshopper actually landed on my head.. stupid creature.. so i caught it and is still deciding to put it down humanely or let it out.. hmmm..

Random Thoughts

2006-12-20T07:23:00.000+08:00

rain rain go away.. please dont ever come again..

i dont mind rain actually.. but with the recent floodings and the showers that catch me before i reach my workplace.. that i dont like..

2/3 of my family went batam this morning.. apparently they confirmed the trip yesterday.. extreme last minute planning i would think..

here comes another you-are-the-eldest-so-you-cant-do-that argument again.. i remembered the first time i tried to ask to stay over at a friend's house during Primary 6.. and after 6 years of arguing i was able to sleep over at Beien's house after BYG.. and my eldest sister got to sleep over at her friend's house yesterday.. well i guess that's what eldest child in the family do.. break barriers..

Untitled

2006-12-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

18/12.. exactly one month since the start of the post 'A' level holiday..

time flies by so fast, yet it seems as though no time has passed at all.. much things happened, most of which i dont exactly remember.. my brain is more preoccupied with the 'now' than the 'then'..

well for the 'now' part.. i injured, or rather, re-injured my left shoulder.. it still hurts like crazy and cant support weight..

after the Genting fiasco, my lack of water and the cold weather did a number on my lips.. it cracked, and my throat seems to be in perpetual drought.. so the stupid me decided to buy an isotonic drink.. and now my throat is even worse and i am about to fall sick..

must be something to do with my blood concentration level.. seems as though isotonic doesnt exactly apply to me..

Genting

2006-12-17T18:49:00.000+08:00

i must say this is a extremely meaningful trip.. things good bad and the in-between, words spoken unspoken and forbidden, actions planned done and undone.. everything seems to have happened on this single vacation..

day one was kinda not-so-good, because everyone didnt sleep much on the bus journey, so everyone was kinda jumpy and impatient.. the day didnt go as planned.. plus some misunderstanding, which left me walking around with a pair of jeans that is in danger of dropping and exposing my undies, i must say the day didnt go that well at all..

second day was way way better, though seriously other than playing the indoor theme park i cant exactly remember much.. bowling was fun, and the brave Yiwen took the Flying Coaster.. cant imagine the fear she must have felt as that was her first big-scaled roller coaster (i think)..

third day started out extremely well, and we all had fun at the outdoor theme park.. understatement for me as i laughed till i got hyperventilation, and experienced what a stroke victim has to go through as i lost control of most of my muscles.. we had so much fun, laughing all the way, even till after dinner at the mushroom farm we were still joking and laughing.. hee hee heh heh hoi hoi goes the joke..

sadly, half of the ten of us fell sick at night, some vomitting, some diarrhea, some both.. to the extent that we had to send them to the doctors in the middle of the night.. speaking of which, that bloody clinic nurse is totally f**ked up idiotic..

me: Erm excuse me, is this medication before or after meals, cos i am not sure whether this is a cancel or tick..

nurse: Oh it doesnt matter.

me: You sure?

nurse: Er, after meal. Can't you read?

seriously, who would employ a nurse like that?

in this event, Yiwen was again the bravest of us all.. 3 jabs followed with a drip.. the pain must be terrible (i have a phobia for needles)..

well now back in Singapore, i still have trouble getting used to the life without the freedom i enjoyed up there.. that hotel room together with all my friends feels very homely..

had a Primary School gathering yesterday.. i must say after 6 years everyone's appearance changed, but the habits still stay.. as usual i was the one always picked on, but i can sense that the tone has changed.. amazingly almost half of the class turned up, considering that it was filled with last minute changes and the likes..

Genting

2006-12-14T22:50:00.000+08:00

back from the Genting trip.. lotsa things happened.. some good, some bad..

too tired to finish saying everything.. will update soon..

hope everyone's well now..

Weird Happenings?

2006-12-09T23:35:00.000+08:00

something funny is going on.. not sure what.. but i am really sensing something weird going on in my house.. and suddenly, my dad insisted i wear a pendant for protection "for this period of time"(i've never worn one since someone stole mine 6 years ago).. and refuses to tell me the reason.. i really sense something is wrong..

and last night, at around 1AM in the morning, i thought i saw something in the additional unit of my house.. not sure whether am i too tired or what, cos i am taking out my contacts.. anyway it sort of flashed past so it may just be my imagination..

anyway, wanted to post images of the completed PG Strike.. but the images all turned out blurred.. next time i guess..

New Bleach Movie!!!

2006-12-09T01:06:00.000+08:00

dammit cant wait for the new Bleach Movie.. looks EXTREMELY nice.. new players and plus Rukia's Shi-Kai.. WOW!!!!

2006-12-07T23:13:00.000+08:00

finished my PG at 2301hr.. very tired now.. nuff said

Untitled

2006-12-06T23:47:00.000+08:00

normal day at work.. still suffering the reprecussion of not sleeping, but much much better than yesterday.. just a little awed by the amount of money spent by companies today since i am doing a little accounting in my job.. handled at least 3 invoices which have net price (basic price) of over S$500,000..

finished the arm of the PG Strike.. remaining left shoulder armor i'll finish in the weekend.. extremely tiring week, but is still one which is relatively fruitful..

also, a life in isolation isnt that bad after all.. me, myself and i without giving a damn about what the rest of the world think..

HELP!!!!

2006-12-05T16:52:00.000+08:00

seriously.. tonning and work really dont get along that well together.. i am so bloody tired now i can barely open my eyes.. yet i still need to cheong another 1 hr of work.. AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Busy Busy Busy

2006-12-05T12:16:00.000+08:00

been very busy these few days.. so much so that i've neglected my PG Strike Gundam.. poor guy is still kneeling there without his left arm..

its lunch at work here.. managed to get my assistant in-charge's place for awhile to slack.. furthest i can get from the GM's office.. cos i wouldnt dare to do any 'monkey business', as some would call it, right in front of the General Manager's office.. my head will roll even before i start..

anyway today's extremely tiring.. ton at Beien's house last night bbq-ing and playing mahjong all the way.. and we sent Hu Nan off at the airport this morning.. haix.. wondering when is he coming back..

so here i am in office, been nodding off since just 15 mins into work.. so i decided to risk it.. since i would get scolded for sleeping anyway, why not listen to my mp3 while working.. so i did and no one said anything.. well actually those colleagues cant cos i know they do that, but i am lucky that the GM stayed in her office for the whole morning.. actually asked someone to help keep me awake by chatting online.. even risked my life to sign in.. but that person never showed up.. oh well..

(whew almost kena caught by a colleague for blogging.. she peeked into the cubicle.. luckily i heard her footsteps first..)

two caucasian tourist approached me on the MRT from Changi Airport.. asked for places to experience Singapore's culture.. i was extremely stumped by their question.. frankly speaking, even if i am not so drowsy from the lack of sleep i still wouldnt be able to give a good answer.. so i first blabbered about Orchard Road, then Chinatown and Little India.. and they asked me whether it is far to walk from Chinatown to Little India, i told them it was managable..

but seriously, which Singaporean would wanna walk that distance? take NEL.. so much faster..

back to the main topic.. does Singapore really have a place to experience culture? i dont mean places like Fort Siloso or Chinatown, which are just more tourist attractions masked in cultural preservation.. seems to me like those existing cultures are no more than pseudo-cultures created to attract tourists..

One-Arm Warrior

2006-12-02T13:26:00.000+08:00

almost finish the PG Gundam.. only left the left arm plus all the weapons except the Grand Slam..

Driving

2006-12-01T23:39:00.000+08:00

cant remember when was the last time i was able to sit back and relax..

it is always nice, after a long day's work, to sit somewhere and drink coffee or a cocktail, and watch people passing by.. but since there werent any coffee or cocktail i'll make do with a coke and some french fries..

anyway after work i met K Luon and registered for my driving course.. the Basic Theory Test is extremely crappy.. i really dunno what to say.. should be easy to pass..

Big Blackout

2006-11-30T23:55:00.000+08:00

had lots of power trip at work today.. can safely said that no job was done today.. out of the 8 hours at work i only spend less than 1 working.. and i still get the 8 hours worth of pay.. lucky me..

went watch Casino Royale with Shawn Tracy and Simin.. quite an interesting show with one of the best James Bond plot.. sadly Q's dead so no gadgets (refer to history of James Bond)..

went Eskibar at Clark Quay next.. had dinner - Lamb Masala, and a Kamikaze drink.. the curry lamb taste reminds me of prata curry.. but the Kamikaze's good.. Shawn even had a Martell V.S.O.P.. should be very strong..

ok nuff said.. gotta work tmr.. *shudder* at the load in my IN tray..

First Day at Work

2006-11-29T22:17:00.000+08:00

started my first day of office work today.. must say it was quite easy, except the part where my work cubicle is right in front of the General Manager's office.. consider it a huge improvement from when i was slogging in a bookshop and had to bear some idiotic co-workers' stupidity.. and i was earning $5 and hour then.. now $6..

extremely tired now.. dont feel like updating on my Gundam since i already faced the computer for 8 hours.. suffice to say that i half-completed the torso..

btw anyone interested to work as a data entry person for $6 an hour can let me know.. one vacancy after 15 Dec.. maybe more..

Untitled

2006-11-28T22:16:00.000+08:00

long day.. tiring day.. just endless chores and some Gundam modelling..

cooked dinner today.. if steaming the food my mom prepared in the morning is considered cooking.. not much, but at least something..

after much cutting, slicing, scraping and lining, i decided to go an extra mile and completed the hip together with the left leg.. the latter took me 5 hours again and the hip 2 hours..

compared with a MG leg.. i still marvel at the size..

the butt of the Gundam.. pointless shot but i took it anyway..

balancing on one leg.. not easy considering the metal parts inside the leg and the hip which made the whole structure quite heavy for its size.. the joints hold up very very well..

doing the pose on the cover.. half done and half more to go..

PG Strike

2006-11-27T20:10:00.000+08:00

back from Malacca.. yesterday.. nothing much happened there.. mostly heritage trip plus a little shopping.. no chance to buy any souveniers.. so sorry..

finished my chore of washing the toilet today (finally!!!) and cleaning all the windows.. i must say i am very pleased with myself.. hadnt done that since Sec 3, when i had to wash the stupid 20th Singapore Artillery bunk toilet.. frankly, i think i did quite a good job..

at 1235 27-11-2006, i opened my first Perfect Grade kit.. the one bestowed to me on my birthday.. 1241 i cut the first part (L 19) out.. after 5 hours of intensive construction and lining i finally finished...

the right leg..

compared with a Master Grade leg.. the size is humongous..

what a MG can do, a PG can do better =)

compared with a full MG kit.. the bulkiest MG i have so far..

thanks everyone.. i really enjoyed building this..

ps: i sound as if i finished the kit

Random Picture

wondering why is CCHMS still using this picture.. 4 years old..

Washing Dishes

2006-11-24T22:31:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. tried washing the dishes today.. tried.. washing a few bowls is ok, but for a family of 6 plus 2 grandparents.. big UH-OH..

aftermath report:

2 casualties: 1 glass soup bowl and 1 glass spoon

quite bad..

MG Strike IWSP

2006-11-23T22:52:00.000+08:00

just finished my MG Strike IWSP.. kinda pleased with my work.. though sadly it is not my best so far (the best one i've made was MG Freedom)..

the shield+IWSP backpack combination is a little too heavy for the hip socket to hold.. has a tendency to slant to one side and backwards..

this is also my first model which i tried painting.. not easy.. not easy at all.. especially those large areas.. took me whole of the morning to paint 5 blades.. all which are from IWSP by the way..

Aile Strike and Strike IWSP..

doing a PG Box cover Pose..

of course the difference in the Grades means the posing quality will be different.. seeing that one costs $275 while the other costs $64..

oh and i dyed my hair two days ago.. no idea what color is it.. cant exactly describe.. but finally i look "Beng"..

MG Gouf

2006-11-20T22:56:00.000+08:00

finished my first Master Grade of the holiday.. 2nd model completed after the A levels.. has a real cool gatling shield..

but as with typical gatling shield, it is too heavy for the shoulder joint to support.. so it mostly act as a large walking stick..

table-o-Gundams plus one out-of-place Kotobukyia Armored Core

the starting of the MG Strike IWSP.. stupid screw in the shoulder joint is difficult to screw in.. made me use so much force that now i have a few patches of red on my palm where the capillaries burst.. oh well i suppose its worth it..

and my 6 year old bicycle is finally back with me.. after 2 years of dust collecting up at my grandpa's house.. after a few tweaks and adjustments i was able to take it out for a spin without much problem.. going cycling tmr..

BBQ at Labrador

2006-11-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

BBQ at Labrador Park.. stupid charcoal is so wet and shattered.. had a hard time starting up a fire.. with Jieyan doing most of the work and me helping once in a while, we managed to start the BBQ after 3 hours of struggling..

some weird things that happened there, and events leading to and after..

1. Cold Storage Harbourfront doesnt sell charcoals *Horrors!!!*
2. a small ember flew into my left eye (contacts on)
3. stupid blind idiotic insect flew INTO my left eye (contacts on).. poor left eye..
4. sprinted through the crowd in Vivo looking for more charcoal and some ice

the most important thing that happened was when Yiwen opened her presents.. kinda funny.. because she had to flash all her presents to everyone in the pavilion (it was raining.. *curses*).. literally flash because arent meant to be that public..

sadly the day didnt end that well.. we were kinda frustrated because of the charcoal and the rain, plus the sorting out of money (i must say i cant imagine what was happening in my birthday present's case.. the mayhem and chaos.. it must be horrible).. and we walked all the way out to the bus-stop only to find out that i dropped my wallet on the way out..

but some kind soul found my wallet when he saw his son kicking it.. and was driving on their way out they saw me running in.. so they stopped me and returned me my wallet.. extremely grateful that they found it.. especially to their son.. even offered me a drive out (friggin road was more than 1km..) thank you thank you thank you.. i even rmb their number plate.. but shouldnt put it here..

Kotobukiya Armored Core

2006-11-18T09:27:00.000+08:00

Kotobukiya's models are really difficult to build.. extremely.. though most parts are molded in the correct colors.. most.. but there are still some extremely small parts..

but after 6 intensive hours, plus ten extremely sore fingers and a tired brain from deciphering the multi-layered encrypted instruction manual, it was completed at 11.00pm.. and when put next to Gundams it really make Gundams look like toys.. but, i wouldnt buy another Kotobukiya kit until they improve their construction methods..

my workspace

compared with a MG Zaku.. the Zaku really look like a toy..

MG Zaku wielding Ichigo's Bankai Tensa Zangetsu

next in the construction line is the MG Gouf.. think i'll start tomorrow..

Its Over..

2006-11-17T23:13:00.000+08:00

its over.. the Great Battle.. the Fearful A's has finally passed.. and most importantly.. I SURVIVED!!!!!!

but sadly, the 4 months moratorium from Gundam Modelling has killed my passion for it.. felt that it was torture building one today.. gave up halfway.. haix.. guess i'll just sell my unopened Gundams somehow..

nah.. just screwing with you guys.. me? selling Gundams? no chance.. at least not in the near future.. i finished the Armored Core Mirage C01-Gaea.. will post some pics of it tomorrow.. kinda tired now.. 6 hours of hard work.. whew..

Last Fight

2006-11-17T11:39:00.000+08:00

final paper in 2 1/2 hours time.. last chance for Cambridge to screw me.. BRING IT ON!!!!!

Physics Paper 3

2006-11-15T23:03:00.000+08:00

not as disappointing as the other 2 physics papers.. at least i know how to do most of the questions, while the definitions are easily bluff-able..

heard the Economics paper didnt go too well.. only strengthened my conclusion that Cambridge is trying to screw us Dragon babies..

Chemistry Paper 2

2006-11-14T17:42:00.000+08:00

for once i can really conclude.. A levels is out to do us in..

this year they set all the funny papers.. if i am lucky the paper is weird.. if i am not so lucky the paper is totally alien.. seriously, i dont really know how am i gonna do for the papers at all..

though other people from other countries said that the A levels are different every year (which is true or else the monotony will kill everyone).. it should at least conform to something.. sadly, this year has a little too much out-of-place papers..

oh, and today's paper wasnt so bad.. though the shortening of the paper to 5 questions was shocking, but managable.. at least i am not the only one who finishes with much time to spare.. *whew*

Not only that...

2006-11-13T21:56:00.000+08:00

worst part is, i got scolded by my parents for screwing my paper up..

thanks alot.. that was such great help..

Physics

2006-11-13T21:14:00.000+08:00

dammit.. bloody physics paper screwed me.. WHY!!!!

i was confident that my physics wouldnt have much problem, but for some reason, my stupid head choose that moment to have mental block.. cant even prove the stupid frequency of oscillation.. WHY AM I SO SCREWED!!!!!!!

but in the end, all i can blame is only myself.. it IS my fault that my stupid brain chose that moment to shut off.. it IS my fault that i am over-confident regarding my physics.. it IS my fault that i lost my A.. i cant blame anyone, because the fault truely lies in me..

anyway, overslept in the bus and missed my stop on the way home.. ended up i took the long route and looped Suntec instead of alighting and crossing the road to take the bus in the opposite direction.. there's a certain joy in slowing down in the Rat Race and just enjoy as things flash past before me.. when life isnt pushing you so much so that you fail to appreciate the finer details of life..

Gastric?

2006-11-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

had a massive 'stomachache' last night.. think it is gastric..

interupted my sleep last night.. very bad.. hope it doesnt happen tonight..

Maths Paper 2

2006-11-09T21:55:00.000+08:00

the paper wasnt difficult, so i suppose i should be able to secure an A here..

2 weeks gone.. one more week to go..

nothing more to say..

Chemistry Paper 3

2006-11-08T20:35:00.000+08:00

frankly, i dont know what to say about the paper.. this is one of the paper which, according to me, is a considerably easy paper which i fear i would be pushed down by the Bell Curve..

yet, contrary to my perception, others feel that this paper is un-easy.. literally.. it links so many topic to the extent that even experienced Chemistry candidates feel uncertain about their answers..

plus, the 45 mins surplus i have for the paper is a sure sign that i am either so good and i dont know, or i am getting thrashed by the paper without knowing it.. the latter is preferentially chosen..

so now, in retrospect, is the confidence i feel in tomorrow's Maths Statistic true confidence, or complacency?

Maths Paper 1

2006-11-07T19:37:00.000+08:00

a little screwed up today.. some little careless mistakes here and there, but overall, the paper is still ok..

helplessness struck me again, to see friends suffering even as i start to complain about the minute problems about my life..

I walk a path of shadows,
I see everything, yet nothing,
I am light,
I am dark,
I must give my life to serve,
not even death can release me.

Private

2006-11-06T20:14:00.000+08:00

sick and tired of people using some of my blog content to criticize me.. so, like what Shawn once did, i decided to privatize some of my entries by putting them in a seperate blog..

Down from the blind eternities,
Relishing the helplessness of life.
Yesterday's lies left their mark,
Xenophobia decends upon me.
How can i survive?
You strayed from my life,
Leaving me helpless and alone.

(in this case, the lower one is the correct one)

噩梦

2006-11-05T19:29:00.000+08:00

守护之神，
束手无策，
梦境护败，
内心缭乱.

Airplane Accident

2006-11-04T22:20:00.000+08:00

apparently, something happened to the "lift" force of my airplane today.. while i was eating breakfast, the "lift" (hook on the wall) gave way and the airplane fell for about 2 metres and crashed on the ground.. dammit..

but, luckily there was something to balance the misfortune today.. the long awaited Strike Gundam + IWSP finally arrived.. long awaited literally.. ever since the design came out one two year ago i had waited for such Master Grade model to be released..

the trend of people falling sick is still continuing.. this is bad.. real bad..

Bout of Sickness

2006-11-03T20:39:00.000+08:00

did not do that much studying today.. spent most of the day at the library reading the book on Tungaska incident.. interesting phenomenum that science is still unable to explain..

recent trend of increasing number of people falling sick is starting to get me worried.. first is me down with i-dunno-what (never went to the doctors).. then is peifen's stomach flu.. now connie is not feeling well, ming jue is quite sick, k luon is sick, jieyan is not feeling well, yiwen is down with stomach flu.. very bad trend.. it is happening just like the Principal say it would..

also, the review for today's paper is not good, and that may also be a understatement..

all i can say is,
(quote from 哆啦A梦)

人的眼睛为什么长在头的前面？为的就是要时时往前看.. 而不是为过去的事而烦恼..

GP gone

2006-11-02T19:56:00.000+08:00

with the completion of GP today, i have officially completed roughly 10% of my A level (excluding SPA).. like they always say, the first step is always the hardest.. now that the first step is taken, a barrier which caused me to fear the A levels is now gone..

the essay question chosen was initially to my advantage, but after knowing the volume of candidates which chose that question, i realise that the advantage is actually minimal..

Compre was more or less easy, except for the summary which was a untangable mess of questions.. other than that the rest should be ok..

after the paper, we celebrated lil Wenzi's birthday in the canteen.. hahaa luckily we did not all gave her 18 slaps to signify her turning 18 (now legal age to buy alcohol n 4D, but still best bring IC just in case they wanna check).. the cake, shipped to school by yours truly, has a nice layer in the middle.. kinda like crystalized chocolate, which, though appeals to my sweet tooth, made the cake quite difficult to cut.. oh and we decided not to feed the cake to the birthday girl cos she is going for family lunch right after..

had a long chat with an old friend on MSN today.. all the way from the afternoon to at night.. apparently she knew my karate friend, who just ended a messy relationship.. as to that guy's rationale of two-timing, i find it ridiculous.. to me, the reason why people does that is still elusive.. all i can say is, screw that jackass and forget about him..

〈胡思乱想〉

要学会放得下，首先必须懂得成全

Rat Race

2006-11-01T20:41:00.000+08:00

so the true rat race begins tomorrow..

extremely mixed feelings about it.. on one hand it signifies the end of all those stressful, hair-pulling exams which terrorizes all students.. on the other hand it signifies the end of the simple life of one-minded mugging for the exams and the transition to the cruel, torturous working society, of which friendship forged would most probably be superficial and fake..

i forsee that a sociable loner (term coined by me) like me, troubled by the underlying layer of speech and dialogue, would be overwhelmed by the influx of backstabbing and plotting..

so for now, i'll just enjoy whatever bliss i have from the mugging-during-exam period before everything vanishes from right in front of me..

on a happier note, early Happy Birthday Wenzi!! though u always bully me, but 大人不记小人过.. plus you have been a good AVA Laoda n a very good friend.. so i promise i'll let u bully for one day on your birthday.. after that.. Muahahahahaaa!! YOUR TURN!!!!

An Inconvenient Truth

2006-10-31T22:49:00.000+08:00

went to watch An Inconvenient Truth.. was kinda frustrated after the show because of the fact that Al Gore was using the show as a political tool to help push for his own acceptance as a person capable of bring change to the world..

the irrelevancy of some parts of the show further strengthened my belief.. for example, he suddenly stated the car accident his son was in, to show his turning point in life when he realise things are worth protecting.. which i thought was actually a cry for sympathy..

ultimately, i feel that the show is actually an hour and a half of publicity for Al Gore.. i suppose he would be running for American Presidency in a few years..

in conclusion, i've Learnt Nothing, Gained Something.. those that are said, i knew.. those left unsaid, i try to decipher..

2 more days.. all the best everyone..

Never Judge a Book by its Cover

2006-10-29T21:13:00.000+08:00

socialising is an art itself.. to the extent that it can be considered a science.. ironic?

记得当年，小学时，我绞尽脑汁，为了就是能得到一群朋友的肯定.. 六年后的我，回想当初的行为，觉得自己和一只跟屁虫没两样..

现在，看见旁人迁入同样的陷阱，我认为自己有必要去帮助他.. 去试让周围的人了解他的处境.. 但，和往常一样，我还是力不从心.. 因给人的第一个影像不好，而且处人方式有稍微不妥，并会引起别人的歧视..

社会残酷的事实.. 无论一个人有多好，他在人群中的地位，大半是由给人的第一影像而被定了下来..

never judge a book by its cover.. 看来我们还是无法做没偏见的决定.. 应为人是无法达到无私的境界..

Impluse, the Inner Demon

2006-10-27T23:12:00.000+08:00

heard something today which gave me a big fright.. it made me realise how long it had been since my mind met my heart, to the extent that logical thinking is almost all that i have left.. and when impulse surfaced, i am so ignorant to it that it is able to wreck havoc in my life..

it is only when triggered by those words was i shocked by my reaction.. the way my hands went numb.. which spread through my body within a heart beat.. the sudden urge to scold myself for being so helpless, so useless, in times of need.. and at the same time an impluse to do something irrational which is not worth mentioning..

had i not been 'trapped' by the surroundings and that what's left of my conscious mind stopped me, i would have done something which i would surely regret.. this strengthens my resolve to forget, yet the harder i try the harder it seems.. 明知毒针需要拔，但却又怕拔针之痛..

how many times since the past had my impulsive actions cause harm or suffering to others, when anger or bliss blinds the conscious mind to allow the subconscious free reign cause trouble..

Collision of Worlds

2006-10-26T20:40:00.000+08:00

when worlds collide, stress is exerted on the World between Worlds.. for good or for bad, one can hardly tell.. to predict when it happens, one rarely have control over such events (that's what Destiny is)..

so 3 circumstances may result..

1. the Worlds merge into one

2. the Worlds pass through each other and do not interact

3. (worst case senario) the Worlds intefere and the balance of the world between worlds is challenged.. in rare times, the World between Worlds could get annihilated..

everyone, being the protector of their own World between Worlds, always fear the 3rd senario..

what should be said, cannot be said.. what i want to say, should not be said.. to say what i should not say, i am doing what i cannot.. yet to not say what i cannot say, i am not saying what i should.. therefore,

to say or not to say?

Implications

2006-10-24T17:29:00.000+08:00

'the implications of the actions involved, and the meaning of the said and the unsaid'.. this is a state of thinking which i never like to venture into.. but sometimes i am forced to do so, and it always ends up very bad..

since i can remember, hearing and sensing underlying meaing of speeches and actions is something i had blocked out because i assume friends will be direct with me..

yet human nature is ever so unpredictable.. once again i am pressured to decend to that state of mind, and i dont like the relevations i am seeing..

Random Thoughts..

long ago someone told me, "Friends are for backstabbing, because if they are not friends, then it is not called backstabbing.".. does this statement really hold true?

Sick..

2006-10-21T12:00:00.000+08:00

this is so bad.. i am so totally down and out.. 11 days away from A lvls (and Yiwen's birthday, which i accidentally forgot) and i am down with who-knows-what illness..

running nose, dry throat, phlegmy cough, aching neck n back (that is due to having to sleep in a sitting position so i wont gag on the mucus.. yuck!!)

just hope i didnt pass the virus to anyone yesterday.. else it would be very bad..

digressing.. Death Note is a very nice movie.. battle of two intellectual individuals.. suitable for all ages except for the subtitles in the 1st scene..

Strike Gundam IWSP

2006-10-19T20:27:00.000+08:00

absolutely drool-able.. totally magnificent.. so lucky i pre-ordered it.. cos i think it will be sold out within a month.. which unfortunately is my A lvl month and hence i cant actually go shopping to search for it..

Strike Gundam IWSP (Integrated Weapons Striker Pack)

so with the pre-order made, i can at least study in peace.. i can almost forgive the jerk who called security this morning to help him clear those people's bags which is used to book places in the study lounge.. i can almost forgive him for being such an idiot in thinking that the study lounge should be absolutely silent and that sleeping in his seat is not selfishly taking up space which may be better utilized by others..

job well done Connie in telling it in his face that he is louder than all of us combined.. Bravo!!

Random Thoughts

2006-10-18T21:55:00.000+08:00

the dreadful end of the A levels are coming.. the end of all that is familiar and to be rudely shoved into a new world of which we have no true knowledge of..

i dont like this.. dont like this at all..

random thoughts

why do i always contradict myself?

毕业

2006-10-13T23:15:00.000+08:00

so here i am.. graduated from NYJC.. graduated from official Singapore Education (think Uni is independent organisation).. not sure whether i should be happy or sad..

今天，我是靠着“天下无不散之宴席”来安慰我自己.. 我这僵硬的心，是不能再溶软下来，否则将来一定无法生存..

读书时期这充满压力但简单的生活，已被我超越了.. 不过一会儿，世界便会变得很复杂，很残忍..

我所熟悉的世界，一霎那间从我手中被夺，使我感到无比地无助，无奈.. 未来如此神秘，过去已成回忆.. 捆在这两界之间，我感到了路途的分裂，心里期待却又害怕.. 我人格就是这样.. 虽然知道坚持不让过去成为记忆的挣扎是没用的，但却不知如何放下.. 心总是和脑唱反调，我也无可奈何..

是否选择路途，或顺河漂流呢？

缘

2006-10-11T21:50:00.000+08:00

年份快尽，缘分快了.. 我知这大半辈子所拥有的缘分，在下来的一段日子总得还清.. 世上无免费之物.. 我多年来这么幸运，已满足了..

被骂

2006-10-11T20:03:00.000+08:00

刚被射了一箭.. 而且是刺穿心的一箭.. 不算是骂，但肯定是被讲了一吨..

嗨，但是不能不承认她说得对.. 我最近确实是太疯钢单了一点儿.. 从未想要一次过买这么多家钢单..

好吧.. 看来我得好自为之了.. 赚来的钱不一定要花掉.. 可惜这个道理我还未刻在心上..

放松

2006-10-10T20:40:00.000+08:00

心魔作怪，措手不及.. 明知会考多么重要，但却丝毫感觉不出任何压力.. 虽然想到今后在社会即将面对的竞争会有点儿担心，但对考试这方面内心风平浪静..

再加上我内心的战争，最近我的脑袋实在是无法清醒起来..

因此，我每当读完书时，便会陶醉在Gundam之中..

看上了四架Master Grade.. 又是$$..

MG Kampfer = $64 (direct conversion from Yen)

MG God Gundam = $40

MG Acguy = $64

MG Griffon Flight Type (non-Gundam) = $60.80

total cost = $228.80

Random Thoughts

2006-10-09T20:55:00.000+08:00

i am already feeling tired of the A lvls.. sort of anticipating something so much for so long that i started to feeling fatigue.. i'm sure this is not uniquely me..

around me i withnessed people crumbling and giving in to stress.. and as before i cannot offer any form of aid to help ease their sufferings.. because as history have proven time and time again that i fail horribly at inter-personal relationships.. all i can do is hope to stay out their way as they trudge through this trying period..

conflicting personalities.. better word would be 力不从心..

plus, my self-imposed restrain is wearing me down.. feeling mentally exhausted.. fortunately music help suppress my emotions, but i can still feel the pressure building up..

met this lousy counter personal at Bugis BK while eating lunch.. Justin n me bought a meal using those coupons, and the person serving us just keyed in everything and walked away without saying anything..

me : 可以upsize吗？

Justin : 不懂哦.. (turn to counter personal) sorry, can we upsize?

Counter Person : 不早说! 我已经key in了.. （look for manager) etc....

just like Justin said.. 为什么她不早问？ isnt it proper service attitude to ask whether the customers want anything else? no wonder tourist keep complaining about Singapore's service industry..

四翅天使

2006-10-08T22:39:00.000+08:00

玻璃墙后，

与世隔离，

四翅天使，

守护之神。

守护之神，

只守不除，

邪恶在外，

逍遥自在。

心不在焉，

力不从心，

小人捣蛋，

袖手旁观。

护物被欺，

全力防敌，

护物被取，

心中解脱。

听取私心，

独自拥有，

放弃她人，

幸福快乐。

Aimless = Good？

2006-10-08T12:12:00.000+08:00

spent half of the afternoon talking to two of my cousins who are also taking the A lvls.. seesms like i am the only one who is sure what i want to work as.. yet, i am the slackest of us three..

maybe it has something to do with not being to see your goal.. such that you will not be able to see where you need to end and it creates a sort of hope that allows people to work harder? they seem to have much much more stamina when it comes to striving for something they dont even know..

random picture: 受损的四翅天使

心不在焉，
力不从心，
小人捣蛋，
袖手旁观。

DSTA/DSO Scholarship

2006-10-07T22:53:00.000+08:00

went for the DSTA/DSO Scholarship "Fair" today.. sort of showed the jobs available at these 2 big Defence Companies and encouraged people to take up scholarship to pursue subjects related to these fields of research.. also opened me up to other options related to those i have a passion for.. like Electronical Warfare (EW).. i am especially interested in the upgrading of existing technologies to make the product unique to Singapore..

met some primary school friends there.. caught up a little as to how one another is doing, and realised everyone hasnt been doing that well at all.. still, that's no reason to slack, nor an excuse to justify my slacking performance the past 2 days..

shallnt comment about the haze.. those farmers in Indonesia 也有苦衷..

守护之神，
只守不除，
邪恶在外，
逍遥自在。

Untitled

2006-10-05T19:46:00.000+08:00

got my modified XBOX（$60) back.. now i can play any game i want.. HAHAAA!!!!

plus, after comparing the Creative MP3 charger that Yiwen helped me buy ($69）, i realised that my previous handphone's USB charger is compatible.. two of my sister's handphone also using the same type of charger with the same power output.. meaning i got 4 charger that can be used for my MP3.. -_-'"

一定是前世造的孽.. 不知何故，竟然被一只小蚊子给说服.. 本想搭巴士回家，反而变成搭德士.. 全因为蚊子赶着回家看电视!!!

玻璃墙后，
与世隔离，
四翅天使，
守护之神。

内疚

2006-10-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

something happened at home, which i contributed to it partially.. and resulted in my youngest sister being caned (finally she is being punished, but i had not wanted it to be in this situation).. ironically, i was speaking to Shawn about how my little sister is getting naughtier by the day right before i got home..

me: 妈咪，我今天早上在check我account时，realise got $120 not accounted for. 我double-check了，confirm我没花那些钱.

mom(angry): sure or not? 都叫你不要把钱乱放了...

unknown to me, something already happened before i got home.. apparently, my mom's phone charger went missing, and she was frustrated at the time i was speaking to her (don't know why i didn't sensed that)..

only when my other sisters told me the background did we suspect the youngest sister.. so we questioned her nicely, and i even said the most my mother would do is just scold her.. finally, she confessed, but my mother was so angry she caned her (should not have told her about my money missing first)..

感觉好像是欺骗了妹妹, 心里十分内疚..

really is wrong place wrong time..

Money Missing

2006-10-04T09:44:00.000+08:00

something's wrong with my accounts.. for the past few days some of my money had gone missing..

i spent the morning going through my latest expenditure, and realised that about $120 spent is not accounted for.. i dont even remember spending that money in the past 4 days.. dammit.. something's wrong somewhere..

Wierd Day..

2006-10-01T21:26:00.000+08:00

hmmm.. wierd day..

firstly, i spend the whole morning pouring over notes and instructions, and finally came to a conclusion on the subject...
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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PG Wing Zero is more difficult to build than PG Strike Gundam..

next i dieded in Chemistry Thermodynamics.. some wierd working and things, but i managed to finish a few of them before i was KIA-ed..

went Parkway for dinner.. was totally shocked when dad asked me to help him buy TOTO.. 3 system 7 and 6 quick pick.. very very wierd..

oh and i bought a Tamiya Cutter for $16 after 20% discount at Isetan.. not sure is it the same one that the shop owner at Shaw Tower, because he said that one would cost $40 but still can last 10 years.. i just tested it and it cuts quite well..

better start planning my money for after A lvls..

owe mother - $413
owe father - $354
MG Gouf - about $53
MG Strike IWSP - about $67
MG Gundam RX-78 - $60+
Airbrush - $300+
Armor Core - $60
Gundam Paint - below $40
Gundam Liner - $35

total - about $1400

man this is going to be one expensive holiday.. at least i am working.. i am going to send my remodelled Gundam for competition and hope to win more Gundam Hampers.. Muahahahaaaa!!!!

雷雨

2006-09-30T21:40:00.000+08:00

a very nice play.. good yet understandable plot (some others was so confusing it was easier understanding exam papers)..

but one phrase that left a very deep impression on me is one spoken by the younger brother..

"其实我是不喜欢她的，只不过是一时强烈的暗恋罢了.... 哥，你要好好地照顾她..."

其他的不说，和哥哥同时喜欢同样的丫头.. 但明明知道是不可能的，却毫无顾忌地对她好.. 可悲呀可悲..

Happy Birthday to ME!!!

2006-09-28T22:01:00.000+08:00

A Very Big Thanks to those who chipped in for my present.. it must have been hard on you guys.. thanks alot.. i love it very much..

to list those who made my dreams of owning

come true, (i list it in the way the names are given to me..)

(05S6E)
1. Yi Yuan
2. Yu Zhu
3. Chew Hwee
4. Tiong Li
5. Merrick
6. Darren
7. Bin Hua
8. Priscilla

(CCHMS)
9. Chun Kiat
10. Yihua
11. Han Bing
12. Ricky
13. Gwendolyn

(Bendemeer Primary)
14. Yong Ting
15. Wei Yann (表姐也给叫来了.. 佩服佩服..)
16. K Luon

(BYG)
17. Tian Tian
18. Jie Yan
19. Justin
20. Meng Jiat
21. Connie
22. Xinyu
23. Peifen

(AVA)
24. Yiwen
25. Remus
26. Vincent
27. Yong Sheng
28. Frank

(Others)
29. Min Sheng
30. Shawn
31. Janet
32. Tracy
33. Jeslin
34. Simin

long long list.. wow!! i am really very impressed by the effort they put in.. thanks alot everyone..

and my supposed other birthday present is a Motorola V3X handphone..

but since i going NS soon, and my sis wanted that phone very badly, so i gave it to her.. i'm sticking with my old phone..

Chemistry Kills

2006-09-26T16:11:00.000+08:00

dieded for Chemistry Prelims..

Paper 1 - 23/40
Paper 2 - 27/60
Paper 3 - 35/100

Total - 85/200 = 42.5%

Final Score : AO

very bad.. at least i am more or less sure that i will not fail the other 2 subjects..

found this while surfing the net..

The size ratings go-

1/144 - smallest and crappest, like the one that came with the SEED boxset.
1/144 High Grade/High Grade Universal Century (HG or HGUC) - much better quality, still small though.
1/100 - *about* the same quality as the HGs, but bigger (about 1.4x bigger).
1/100 Master Grade (MG) - Expensive, but much better quality. Best to leave until you've made some regular models.
1/60 - Super duper big, about HG quality.
1/60 Perfect Grade (PG) - You can't afford these. No, seriously.

lol..

明天即将"招"天遣..

但看在过后的解脱，被雷劈几次也是值得的..

<胡思乱想>

人生就是一场恶梦.. 希望我能找点儿醒来..

Pets

2006-09-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

found a picture of Reversi's twin brother, Squeaky.. he has another patch of black on his left eye and a brown coat on his lower half body.. other than that his fur is the same as Reversi's..

called him Squeaky because he squeaks very loudly when hungry.. Very Loudly.. kinda forgotten where he went.. noisy little guy..

played with Toffy almost the whole day today.. very nice little fellow.. at least he doesn't bite me like Mr Tong's hamster (i am going to bite it back one day) or go berserk after playing too much like Stretchy, my friend Cheryl's dog..

i had always wanted a dog, but due to the fact that i have a canine-phobic mother, my sis's and i was outvoted in the democratic family.. democracy meaning children one vote each and parents ten votes each..

so i'll just have to wait till i am older to be able to get one.. but on second thought perhaps i would rather spend the money on more Gundams?

想太多了..

2006-09-22T20:46:00.000+08:00

whole day slacking at home is not good for me..

due to my short nap last night which caused me to wake up super-disorientated, my hyped up mind went overdrive.. causing me to 想太多..

not good.. not good at all..

luckily my mom forced me out of the house to go collect my free mp4 player.. if not i am sure i would have went crazy..

Story of Reversi (end)

2006-09-22T13:36:00.000+08:00

direct from my old blog 2 years ago..

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

when i say so much happened 4 e past 2 wks...it is an understatement...so much...prelims...dengue...guinea pigs giv birth....den 1 of the babies is sort of deformed or handicapped...e mother rejects it...so hve 2 try 2 hand raise...his...i tink is a he...hind 2 legs cant move much...den is also very small...2day 2nd day liao...quite lucky 2 live so long...i tink...but dis morn he started shaking...dunno y...feel quite helpless as he juz keep shaking...tink he is in pain or wad...haix...ke lian leh...

really is a damn understatement...haix...ke lian de baby...i juz went over 2 check on him...he's stiff all over...not breathing...dis time i really feel so hopeless...so helpless...to see a living creature suffer n yet cant do anything 2 help...i really feel so hopeless...maybe it was meant to be...maybe he wasnt meant to live at all...4 someone who has only days to live...it is easier to giv up their lives than people who has lived for decades...may you rest in peace...

In dedication to one of my most memorable friend,Reversi the black white guinea pig (20/09/2004 - 22/09/2004)

1:38 PM

crippled, abandoned by parents, ostracize by his siblings, shunned by his species, with no one for company but strangers.. he suffered much more than i ever did in his short life.. rest in peace old friend..

Story of Reversi (cont.)

2006-09-21T21:03:00.000+08:00

continued..

After school, I regularly checked on the small guy, making sure he's not uncomfortable or anything. I even helped him exercised his hind legs, hoping that his legs will grow stronger. He's putting in effort, considering how hard he tried to move and kick those malformed legs.

I also tried to see if Binnie would accept him, but she still treat him as though he was invisible.

By the end of the day, he was able to crawl about in his make-shift cage made by yours truly. He was unable to stay in the original cage for fear of being crushed by the parents who don't give a damn about his existence.

A glimmer of hope for him, or so we thought..

to be continued..

Story of Reversi

2006-09-20T10:12:00.000+08:00

In dedication to one of my most memorable friend,
the black and white guinea pig, Reversi (20/9/2004 - 22/9/2004)

two years ago,

I was in school when i recieved a sms, "hey bro,binnie juz gif birth 2 baby, but she rejecting one of them".

When I got home, I was shocked to see that one of the baby guinea pig had a deformed lower body. His lower back and lower legs are smaller than it should be, an he was struggling just to crawl about, dragging itself with its two front legs.

Binnie, the mother, just treated him like he was trash. I don't blame her, because this is the way nature works.

But still, I couldn't just watch him die of starvation, so my sisters and I decided to care for him ourselves. We fed it rice water through a syringe, and tried to care of him a way a mother would care for a child.

He was all white, with a black patch on his forehead. We wanted to bring him to a vet, but by the time our parents came home, it was very late, and my mother said to wait for awhile to see if his back legs would grow stronger.

So we waited...

to be continued..

left to right: Binnie, Archie

Happy Birthday

2006-09-20T00:01:00.000+08:00

好朋友.. 生日快乐 =）

看来只有我会对你说这句话，因为我想没人记得你的存在，他们怎么会记得你哪年哪日生的呢？你真可怜，但不用担心.. 至少我记得..

Prelims Over..

2006-09-19T20:21:00.000+08:00

Physics paper 2 is a killer.. nuff said..

as for those whom the sadistic school still wanted to torture for a few days more, all the best..

went 'window shopping' at Suntec-Marina Square area as Jieyan n Justin would call it.. but most of the time i am just stoning as looking at clothes is just not my cup of tea.. at least we found what we was looking for, and Jieyan bought another Gundam, and i got disappointed again as a $225.90 Perfect Grade Strike Gundam is still out of stock until further notice.. ARRGGGHHHHH!!! now all the PG Strike left are those selling at $289.90 at stores such as Seiyu and Metro.. oh well..

任命了.. 无能为力停止时间步行的我，看来只能眼睁睁的看着周围的一切变成回忆.. JC-life 只不过省三个月.. 能把多少记忆塞进脑里，就尽量塞吧..

好朋友，不过多久就是你的生日了.. 兴奋吗? 一年一度，算是蛮偶然的吧.. 不用担心，我一定会陪你庆祝的.. 怎么说，对你来说这么重要的一天，我这么会错过呢？

T minus 3h 39mins 21s

Untitled

2006-09-18T21:25:00.000+08:00

finished maths paper 2.. can say i got K.O.ed by pure maths portion and CRV.. but overall the statistics part should help me pass.. heard Hu Nan did section C aka Mechanics.. 真是佩服他的勇气..

anyway, don't feel like studying for physics test tomorrow.. i had already anticipated this, so i revised physics during the weekend.. hope it will be enough..

already in a little holiday mood.. but not so into it as usual the irony of life is still plauges me.. i don't want the simplicity of mugging life to end, but ending it means enjoyment.. conflicting desires.. which should i want?

好朋友.. 好久不见了，多两天就能‘相遇’，你还好吗？你的痛苦，我一辈子也不会真正的理解.. 你的解脱，虽然我们俩儿因这样而感到痛苦，但我百分之百赞成你的决定..

T minus 2 days..

Right or Wrong?

2006-09-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

我这么做是对的吗? 虽然能让朋友开心，但始终知道开心时又可能是害到朋友.. 该不该？

这几天一直不停地mug，但当中却找回了当初的自己.. 回到了简单的生活，精神都集中在一个目标上，给了我一个肯定的人生方向.. 就像是在AVA或是在建Gundam时，生命就仿佛变得很简单.. 外界所抛向我的压力，都丝毫不重要.. 虽然像是逃避现实，但是也算是一种痛苦的解脱..

这种简单生活多么美好.. 可惜过几年，要找到这种生活可难了..

dreaming of the same friend these few days.. kinda expecting it since it always happens around this time.. its been 2 years since i last saw him.. since i will ever see him again..

T minus 3 days..

Wear and Tear

2006-09-14T21:33:00.000+08:00

not doing so well these few days.. i feel as though i am dying a little everyday, which technically is correct..

with each passing day, i grow more tired of the things i should do, must do, yet i see no gain.. i am happy, but not for myself..

then, as i thought, after A lvls everyone will go their separate ways.. suddenly, i don't want everything to end.. i don't want time to go on.. post-college syndrome, i guess..

anyway, just like the prelim results, if i dont have the ability, why do i yearn for it? no point catching a beautiful butterfly, only to have it die in a glass jar..

utterly pointless..

长久生活在痛楚之中，我感觉特别的累.. 作为听者，我是不应该插手的.. 醋吃多了，对它的味道已经麻痹的，再也尝不到那种味道了.. 生在这种环境当中，我的心不得不僵硬.. "It is suffering, to have so big and soft a heart in a world full of blades.."

guess i'll just carry on dying.. its the way of life..

Untitled

2006-09-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

what should be, has in fact became what had not be.. the brutal irony of life..

which goes to show, fate is a lousy player at the game of Life.. "boy knocked down by car two months after winning battle against cancer"..

WTH!!! someone who desperately wants to live, has the will and the determination to live, is taken while those idiots who have a death wish by taking drugs are happily enjoying their lives..

nothing is fair.. i agree to this partially only.. the world must be balanced, two sided, not like a Moebius Strip..

without positive, negative would have no definition.. but the irony of Life itself is that it is way too imbalanced..

maybe one day i may do a Tousen (from Bleach anime) and say that,

"Since there is no Justice, the path I walk WILL be Justice."

Zen V Plus

2006-09-03T20:35:00.000+08:00

bought this at COMEX n Friday.. the 4 GB version.. not a bad mp3 player..

dad bought a new laptop.. Compaq something.. forgot.. but looks ok..

the brutal irony of life.. i was saving up some money, hoping to buy a 1GB SD card at COMEX to allow my phone to be a full fledged mp3 player.. and, i lost it the day before i go COMEX..

Untitled

2006-09-01T09:49:00.000+08:00

not a good week actually..

school's quite empty because everyone was ponning lessons.. even the great Zhiliang ponned lectures.. and speaking of ponning.. i didnt know my sis was so 'smart' that she called her teacher to tell the teacher she was ponning her CCA..

in squash..

tried to win this..

from him..

but the sad truth is, a Planeswalker will never win in saber duelling as compared to a Jedi.. it just doesnt suit me when i am unable to use my magic.. and there werent enough time for me to start casting at the beginning anyway.. but still, out of the dunno-how-many matches we played, think there's only one 9-0 score.. big improvement..

so i'll just have to save up some a month and i think i can get it by the end of the year..

come to think of it.. it was raining the whole day yesterday.. maybe the sky's crying because i lost my handphone? well.. one can wonder..

Phone Gone....

2006-08-31T23:24:00.000+08:00

phone stolen 'cos of my unprecedented stupidity.. well there's a first for everything, so i assume it is in part a lesson to help me learn not to leave my phone lying around, especially when there's a group of 'Ah Bengs' sitting right behind you (suspect it is them)..

at least now i got my number and a phone..

GP yesterday's over.. no point going over how horrible i died..

Prelims

2006-08-29T22:39:00.000+08:00

so the Prelims starts tomorrow.. hell am i gonna be so dead, but yet i feel ... nothing..

very big UH-OH..

nuff said..

Untitled

2006-08-27T20:44:00.000+08:00

something's not right somewhere.. i am not the student i am suppose to be.. i do not feel any stress about the coming exam (except when i see the seconds ticking away on the NYJC homepage), hence the lack of urgency to study..

yet, regardless of the time spent stoning and doing nothing, i feel time is slowing down.. maybe it is my desire to stop time as it is, not to transcend to the post 'A' level life.. for i know it will not be as colourful as it is now.. maybe...

my mind is so cramped for the moment, not with studies but.. other things..

ps: sorry i didnt do the random music thing.. dont feel like doing anything for the whole weekend..

醋

2006-08-22T21:40:00.000+08:00

醋好喝/吃吗？据说有个老人，靠着天天一小杯的醋，活到百多岁..

但在现实生活中，醋真的能保生健体吗？

没人会自愿吃醋..

拿得起，要懂得放得下.. 我也是这样，只是时辰未到 （我也需要学）.. 为了要得到别人的主意，别人的肯定，而加入 NASA (Negative Attention Seeking Association) 是件很愚蠢的行为..

但事实就是如此的残酷，每个人起初都会用这种方法来引人注目，直到学会了这种行为无效后，激怒了人家才恍然大悟.. 可悲可悲...

.........

changing topic, i got thrashed by Shawn in Squash today.. 9-0 9-1 9-0 9-0 9-2 9-3 blah blah(cant rmb all) 9-6 9-0 9-0 9-0.. i only remember we played about 12 sets..then go gym i train a little bit..

now at home leg got 4 blister (right one burst so i cut the skin away, leaking pus).. plus the usual corn (not sure spelling correct) mom put some medicine on it.. say it is highly concentrated acid of some sort.. turned the corn white in a few seconds without pain (it corroded the dead skin away and is still burning right into the corn).. interesting..

PG Wing Zero Custom

2006-08-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

forget the Perfect Grade Strike Gundam (for the moment).. now that i have...
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.
.
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the Perfect Grade Wing Zero Custom.. MUAHAHAHAAAHAHAA

the wing is so BIG!!! but i am a little disappointed with the 'feathers' because they have holes poked into them at intervals.. no idea why..

this is the box where all the metal screws, springs, wires, LED, feathers, battery connection and metal endoskeleton parts are kept..

had a wierd day.. firstly on a crowded 133 to GP tuition, i got stepped on by a high heel, shoved and elbowed till i almost stepped onto a small boy a little taller than my waist, and got stared by a old lady who thought i was about to snatch the seat she was eyeing..

at GP tuition, i was whacked by Zhiliang (as usual), got mental fatigue from writing compo introduction and got confused by the printing of GP notes..

wanted to go Bugis buy water bottle for my sis, but after 15+ minutes of searching i decided to consult the directory, only to find that Sports Connection Bugis that i am looking for does not exist..

while shifting my sis's new double deck bed, my left hand got smashed by the pillar and the bedframe (green circle shows the bruise mark that's still on my arm..don't look much but it still hurts)..

but at the end of the day, i still GOT A LOAN FROM MY DAD TO BUY MY GUNDAM!!! (not sure why he so charitable today.. must be because his birthday is 4 days away?)

my parents suddenly called me at around 8pm (19/8 8.00 PM - 1988? coincidence?) and gave me the permission to go buy the Gundam at Compasspoint Metro (20% discount which brought the price from $329.95 to $263.96.. saved $65.99 which is roughly equivalent to a Master Grade Gundam).. if only time would stopped now i could die a happy person.. MUAHAHAHAAAHAHA

What of Pride?

2006-08-18T21:38:00.000+08:00

while watching Smallville today, the truth suddenly came crashing into me.. someone actually lied to me not too long ago, deny saying those things that shouldn't be said and shrug responsibility of the happenings following the incident..

it disturbed me so much that i totally shut off from reality, to the extent that my notion of time is stretched (time warp theory), causing time to slow to a crawl..

yet in retrospect, that lie covering the original lie may actually be forgivable.. everyone has pride, regardless they are daredevils or nerdy bookworms.. when faced with a situation that may seriously endanger one's ego, most people will do anything just to save themselves from the shame.. furthermore, this is a case of protecting one's Pride..

throughout history, worse had been done just so to preserve one's pride.. so i assume that this case it is justifiable for that person to lie again to cover up for himself..

after further consideration, lying is part of human nature.. as Master DreamSeifer said, '人是自私的'.. white lies aside, almost all other lies are just for personal gain.. regardless of one's 'level of altruism', deep down inside there's always some part that will try to protect oneself from harm.. so, pulley operators, as stated in one NYJC library book, will have to put down someone in order to rise higher in other people's point of view..

after an hour plus of careful consideration and the loss of a good chance to enjoy Smallville, i came to a conclusion that it is ok for people to lie, and that what's already pass is past.. no point brooding over it cos it only waste away the present..

Random Picture:

i am starting to fall in love with this Perfect Grade Strike Gundam.. i WILL get it before the end of the year, even if i have to rob a bank.. MUAHAHAHAHAAA

Destiny..Choosing or Chosen?

2006-08-16T21:12:00.000+08:00

someone told me this today : " 你们是不是要我和他有关系？"

and i was thinking.. is there such thing as a BGR formed by peer pressure? 一厢情愿已经是很痛苦，但如果感情是被逼的，那双方不就会更苦吗?

yet thinking back, in history there are many cases of matchmaking.. these marriages always work out and they rarely separate, compared to the divorce cases which are so common that the lawyers are becoming filthy rich.. Obligation vs Responsibility.. when people marry because of love, they feel responsible to make the other person happy, but they are not obliged to do so.. but through matchmaking, they are obliged to take care of each other, as they are in a way accountable to each other's parents, as their parents are accountable to each other regarding their child's well-being in the marriage..

coincidentally, Mr Yee gave us an article to read.. something on Destiny, and it had a statistical study showing that marriage because of love lasts much shorter than marriage from matchmaking.. sadly, it sort of supported my point above..

Random Picture:

Abarai Renji.. one who could only watch as the person he like is snatched away from him due to the caste system.. decades years on he is still unable to do anything when the person he like is facing death penalty..

i am lucky to have parents who considered well before deciding to marry.. they met while they are studying in Poly and JC.. dated for 8 years and became engaged for 1 year before marrying.. they only married when they are sure they can survive on their own.. my cousin, whose married within half a year from knowing the guy, did so because of some reasons (they married in February and gave birth to a daughter in August).. now they are a little stretched from work and raising a family..

digressing, my cousin studying in Chung Cheng High School (Main) gave us a shock of our lives when she suddenly changed from normal looking to a walking stick, and from a noisy, i-am-right-and-you-are-wrong person to one that never speaks.. we all thought she having Anorexia or something, but it is only today that i knew the story.. apparently, she met i something while waiting for her parents to fetch her at the main gate one night.. think she was so scared that she became a changed person..

Random Thoughts

2006-08-11T21:28:00.000+08:00

i tried all i could, but when it comes to consoling people, i am so bad i'll smash a crater at the rock bottom.. all i can do is to keep quiet and not say anything to worsen the situation, but as usual such feat would only cause me to have much pent up frustration to be so helpless..

still, what i sensed is still there, though a little stronger now.. i am not sure whether i approve of it, but if that's the way it will be i'll not do anything to stop it.. even if something happened after it happens i cant do much about it.. it is ingrained in my image in others' that i am not one who can help out in anything, though i am always standing by to help with meager things.. well, at least it is something..

anyway, the whole day's frustration only got augmented when my parents decided not to go for the Fireworks Festival after i got home.. instead, they want to go Clark Quay to get the feel of the place, which generally consist of only lounges and bars... getting very freaking fed-up, i stubbornly refuse to leave home and ended up watching the fireworks through the window half blocked.. 忍忍忍!!!

无奈一点儿也不好受，但当你知道自己是无法帮助解决问题时，无奈就是唯一路可走.. 没人会对我诉说他们的烦恼，因为我本人就没有给人家能聆听别人问题的映像.. 再说，我也可能没有好的解决方法，或是些安慰的话.. 因此，我只能默默地坐在一旁，希望能替人家承担一部分的忧愁.. 同时也不要信口开河，把事情弄得更糟.. 这就是我唯一能做的.. 对不起